I never want to see another naked old woman again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
