dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize