I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
