And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
