Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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