If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize