You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
