Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize