My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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