so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
