we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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