I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
