you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
