I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize