Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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