we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
