We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
