it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
