Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
