does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
