if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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