just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
