U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
