The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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