my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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