You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
