About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
