Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
