i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize