Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
