Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
