Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
