Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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