I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
