don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
