Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
