What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
