His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
