he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
