just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You need Xanax blowdarts
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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