yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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