My first STD was from a foam party
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
