He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My butt remains clenched, sir.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
tell me about the fingering
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