Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
