I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
