So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
