I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize