Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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