doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
