we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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