haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
