**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
