Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
