stop calling my apartment porn island.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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