I think i peed on brittanys purse
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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