I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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