He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
