he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
