she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
