I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
