I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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