Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
