Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im part way to drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
