Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
