Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
