You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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