I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
