I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
