I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
be right there i have to get my cape
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize