Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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