I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
