You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
