saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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