Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
