I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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