I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
