How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
