Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry about my life...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
