She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need a beard to bite.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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