he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
