Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
