ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
