I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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